I have been hearing God try to get through to me lately by reminding me of His love. I would have this feeling of discomfort, hurt, fear and all I could hear God say was “I love you.” “Really nice God. Thanks. I know that.” was my instinctive reply. I felt as if God was just giving me a “I know it’s tough but I love you” reply. Like when a friend tells you, “I know things are tough right now but know that I love you. You will get through this. Time will heal.” It’s a nice reply and you are glad they love you but there was no practical help in their reply. You are still stuck with the circumstance and the feeling. I felt God was giving me the same consoling reply that left me feeling the same way.
Today he explained his reply. I wept.
This Love he gives, the same love He gave that agonized with death for 3 hours, is far from consoling.
It is a love that ENDS fear. DESTROYS hurt. FINALIZES blessing.
This is a simple realization for me but I know it is the key to unlocking the blessing God wants to unleash in my life.
If God’s love redeems me. If God’s love saves me. Then, God’s love blesses me.
Here is the back story. I have been struggling trying to prove my faith to God. I know God wants me to expand my vision, but how do I believe for my personal healing from sickness (I have been sick lately)? How do I believe God to be given a better home then where we live now? I was at a point where I would pray and then follow-up with “was that good faith. Was it at lease the size of a mustard seed”? I am not afraid to admit I have these immature conversations with God. My maturity in Christ is completely dependent on my surrender. I have lots of growing up to do in God. I was going back to my bad habits of trying to please God when in fact I know I am perfect in Him. Does that mean my faith is perfect? Lost, I keep trying to confess and soak in more of God. Striving for rest.
So, it happened. I broke down. I broke down as I always do when I try to impress God and then I just admit my defeat. I told God today with tears coming down my face, “I can’t believe. I know what I want. I know what you want me to want. I just can’t believe for my healing. I can’t believe for a new house. Can you just do it because you love me?”
Then, suddenly, I knew what Jesus had meant this entire time I was trying to impress him. I knew what His “I love you” meant. It means “my love is your faith. It’s your provision. It’s your vision. It’s everything.”
Let’s go back to salvation. In that moment, I felt His love. I trusted that it saved me. I felt that love more than I felt my shame. It wasn’t about the right amount of faith that qualified me for His salvation. I just knew He loved me. When I got set free of the law and the need to strive in 2009, I trusted in His love more than my own works. His love changed me again. Since, I have been repeatedly saved by His love not by my faith.
I am not saying faith is not needed. I just had the wrong faith. I am looking at my faith and asking God if it is enough. It is not about me or my faith. It is Jesus that finished it all. I trust in His love to be enough. My faith is being redirected from me to Him who is love. That same love that redeemed is the same love that blesses me. He loves me therefore I am blessed. He loves me therefore I am healed. The more I meditate on His love, the more I abound in His faith. In His faith there is rest and contentment. Knowing that because He loves you, your every need is met. It’s His love that compels me to obedience. It’s His love that drives me to provision. It’s His love that leaves me wanting nothing. I no longer look at my faith. I transfer my faith to His love and I have confidence in that. His love will never fail me.
Thank you Jesus you don’t need my faith. You just want me to continually thrive, trust and abound in your love.
That I can do. I can waste my life getting to know you more. My reason for being.
Thank you for your peace. I love you, Jesus.